My bags are packed. My car is cleaned out, the car seat strapped in. The baby clothes are washed and organized. The various sundries have been purchased (diapers, wipes, nursing pads, pads). The shower curtain is on the bed (in case my water breaks at night). The nursery is painted, the crib put together, the pictures all hung. The freezer is full of ready made meals. The pantry is stocked with "healthy" post-pregnancy snack foods. Arrangements have been made for the care of my other sweeties. My house is clean (or at least as clean as it is going to get with the 5 of us really living here).
So now what? No baby yet...
I have been having a hard time thinking of anything but having this baby. I am huge. I am uncomfortable. I am ready to be done with this pregnancy. I look forward to sleepless nights because of a baby, not because I have to get up to use the bathroom a million times, and can't fall back to sleep for hours. I look forward to the healing, and pain, because it means I am that much closer to being back to "normal" whatever that is. I just want to meet this little angel, and share her with my family.
But, I also know that things will never be the same in our home again. The dynamics will change, the priorities will shift. The time will be divided differently, and it will not be just the five of us, because there will be six. And so, to answer my "now what?" question, I say, enjoy...
Enjoy the kids I have right now.
Enjoy being pregnant and all the crap that comes with it.
Enjoy snuggling with Derrick and reading stories.
Enjoy doing homework with Lexi and Dillan.
Enjoy laundry, because there will be so much more soon.
Enjoy what I can.
As I try to make this my focus, and really get some good one-on-one time with each of my three children before number four arrives, I have to constantly remind myself that it is okay that the kitchen floor needs to be mopped, or there are so many other things that need doing. I have to recite this little poem to myself and learn to be okay with imperfect, because imperfect is perfect!
Some houses try to hide the fact that children there.
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere.
There are smears on the windows, little handprints on the door
I should apologize, I guess, for the toys all over the floor.
But I sat down with the children, and we played, and laughed, and read
So though the windows do not shine, their eyes will shine instead
For when at times I'm forced to choose the one job or the other
I want to be a housewife, but first I'll be a Mother.
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